New Day Star

As summer draws to a close I feel as if this week is in a way last call.... Hedley a band I note has been a favorite of mine since I was a kid has a song that pretty vividly depicts last call in both a bar and life in my mind. About three weeks ago my current partner asked me out of the blue if I'd like to join her on her leave from the military to go see her family for two weeks or so in Ottawa to which I quickly agreed having been excited to spend some quality time with both her and her family while seeing a new part of the country. So away we went, driving for nearly thirteen hours, with the most confusing and infuriating pit stop in Montreal to pick up a friend who had bargained to drive part of the way in exchange for a ride back to Ottawa... we met him in the literal BIGGEST mall I've ever been in.... to those of you who haven't been to the Rideau Centre in Montreal... brace yourselves if you're like me and hate crowds in small places it will send you into ...

I have been travelling for a long time, and by long I mean since I was seventeen. At that age I saw travelling as somewhat terrified of going it alone, of people, of strange places and of everything outside my comfort zone. However over the last several years I have come to enjoy it,, yes I will always have my pre-travel anxiety but once I start the journey that's when the real fun begins. You see I am a firm believer in finding something decent in travel, be it the much needed break from work/school, the white noise of the bus driving down the highway, the excitement of children travelling for the first time (I'm sorry but I love this thing because their little faces lighting up when they see planes is kind of amazing, just seconds ago I saw a little one with a ninja turtles beanie that had a crocheted on eye mask like Raphael which made my heart squeeze due to my ninja turtle love as a kid) or just the escape from everything. But for me of all the things I enjoy the comr...

It seems like another life has passed since we first met. Two kids oblivous to the world around them as they marched in lines with their fellow cadets, only soon realizing they were from not only the same place but also the same era. Era? Yes, because the two of us were poets in the making, unknown to ourselves as we marched to the beats of our drums and no one else's because that was all we knew how to do, or at least what we fought to do. For years we were each others sounding boards, the others home and happy place. We were the other half that we were searching for. For years we were like this, and for years you were who I wanted to be around. Pushing each other to write and be who we were despite all the odds that surrounded us. You wanted to be a history teacher, and I wanted to be an English teacher. We wanted to change the world one student at a time, and make damned sure nobody ever had to deal with what we survived. But as time went on we began driving on differe...

Time stands still when you look at me.  With those cloudy brown eyes, The storm clouds remaining from wars few and far betw en.  You say we'll take time, That you need time.  I know you're in pain  And it kills me, all I want is to wave a magical wand Something.  Anything to make it better.  We're in this constant roundabout  Protecting and helping eachother with demons that never seem to leave.  What I want want you to know is, No matter how bad the storm, No matter how hard it gets, No matter how long it takes, I'm still going to be here, On your side.  Telling you how beautiful, amazing, talented and inspiring you are.  Because you are all of this and more.  Every rose has its thorns, And nothing good ever comes easily.  But I'm not going anywhere .  This I promise you. 

Depression.. This single word has a way of defining how we see people, how others see themselves.. there are so many ways that this single word can be defined through theory, science, medicine, psychopathy, the ways and views are almost endless. My view, or how this one word has managed to become part of my life over the last ten years is something that clinicians would find 'normal' even though I quite frankly don't believe that word exists in our world today. I have been dealing with this illness since the age of eleven, or maybe even longer. You see where I am from, back years ago it was something that wasn't to be talked about.. people who struggled with it did it in silence or were considered crazy.. I was one of those kids who thought everything in the world was wrong with me, I went through those phases of self blame.. Now part of that was brought on by my anxiety and the early stages of figuring out who I was, the typical growing up stuff so to speak. Tha...

So I am on the road.. well on the sky.. I am flying high..  Lol not so fast.. I am currently sitting in the airport in Halifax, awaiting my connecting flight back to school after a night of no sleep.. not a bunch of food or anything really I am sitting here with my salted caramel frap thinking of the lessons we learn as travellers on this earth.  I have been re reading Timber Hawkeye's Buddhist Bootcamp recently and there was a chapter about leaving no trace of you're existance.  I thought to myself while packing last night.. how can we possibly do this? In a way it is easy to leave no trace.. make it look like we have never been to a place before but in reality we want to be remembered. I mean by our friends and people we love.  So in short while packing I made sure to leave to trace.. no mess of any kind, all of my dishes washed, my garbage got taken out, my dresser gutted out aside from the few things I left home to wear during holidays when I go back for some day...

With each day that passes, we get older, things change, people change, we move forward with hopes in some cases of never looking back. While in other cases we don't want to leave, and want things to stay the same. The only thing is sometimes it takes losing or almost losing everything to make you realize what you have in your own back yard. Cliche right? In my case, I have been wanting to move out of my peaceful little town, leave my beautiful oceanic view, and comfortable home and see the world. Its been my dream forever, leave for university, come back on holidays, go back to school, come home for a week then jet set to some part of the world to live for a few months and teach while on summer break. Living a life of an international jet setter, see the world at eighteen and never look back at my days as a bullied kid. Only to look forward at the future and the listless possibilities for me. As I pack my things and ready myself for this next chapter I am beginning to wonder, am...